Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize