I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
