Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
