Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
