u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
