im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
