I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
