I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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