In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
