I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
