It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
