New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We talked him into tasing himself.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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