It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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