i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they need to just BURY HIM!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
