i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
