i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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