you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
