Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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