I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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