HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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