I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
