i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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