Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
