he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize