You're earring is so big in my mouth
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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