Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
