I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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