that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
