I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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