My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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