I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
