when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Randomize
