So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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