I'm going to jail i love you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
