Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
