He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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