Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
