Kiss
Puke
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
