Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
