I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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