O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
