I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
