she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
