i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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