This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
