This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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