oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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