Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
