I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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