You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
