if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
