is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize