I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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