Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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