OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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