meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
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i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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