PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
