As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
