She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
