you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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