Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
