Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
