were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
