Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
