i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
