so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What changed your mind?
Being sober
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
