i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
