So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
