I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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