dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
