you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
