how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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