I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
