My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
