That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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