I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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