You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
